He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
