I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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