We won't sleep together?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
