Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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