The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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