im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
