Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize