My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
