I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
