I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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