I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
