even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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