HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
farters have to be the big spoon...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
