i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster