i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
