Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.