I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure