i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet