Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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