So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
