We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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