Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
