Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
