Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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