dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize