Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
