we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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