Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
