do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
