Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
