Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
