Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We left the knife in your bed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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