Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
