My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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