If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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