am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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