i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
