How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
