Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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