DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
