just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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