He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
