I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
