i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
