Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
