her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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