My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
