watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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