It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
