Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
