my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize