My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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