Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
