Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
