Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
