ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
