Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
