The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
