Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They took my balls.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
