There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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