dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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