He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
