I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
