just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize