Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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