Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
