I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
