Non-Jews are for practice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
