i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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