Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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