Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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