I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
