I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
